Death of Cupids (The Blood of Cupids MC) Read online

  “I guess you’re right.” I snickered. I wasn’t about to show him any vulnerability. For all he would know, his games would have no effect on me. My new mission was to harden, to hide my emotions. I would not allow him to see me crack; I would not give him the pleasure of knowing how much his actions had burned me.

  What’s funny is when you spend so much time pretending to be hard and untouchable, you have a difficult time distinguishing the act from reality. If you stay in the act long enough, you forget whom you were.

  If you play the monster long enough, you become the monster.

  To my little one,

  I dreamed about you last night. I dreamed that you came home from your very first day of school, looked at me with your giant green eyes, and asked me about your father. You were so innocent, inquisitive. You didn’t understand why your question upset me. You wrapped your frail frame around mine and told me it would be okay. You told me that you’d be ready to listen when I was ready to talk.

  The thing is, my little one, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to talk. Your father has been gone for three months now, and this morning was the first time I didn’t wake up screaming. I have lost everyone: my mother, father, aunt, and love of my life. The only thing that keeps me going is you. You are the last thing your father gave to me, and for that reason, I will love you for the two people you will always be in my eyes: not only my child, but a piece of your father.

  One day, you will ask me about him, I do know that. I promise you, I won’t be prepared. I promise you that I will break down. I promise you that you’ll need to pick up the pieces. But I hope you will learn that the reason I can’t speak of him is because he meant so much to me. One day, you will ask me about him and all I will be able to say is that he was my today, my tomorrow, and my everything past the light.

  Your mother

  Grace

  Though technically still spring, the heat of the day seemed a bit extreme. My belly was beginning to push out, but you couldn’t tell just yet with my loosely fitted top. I wasn’t ready for the world to know, even though everyone was a stranger to me. I didn’t want to admit to the passersby, or mostly to myself, that I was about to be a single mother.

  I strolled around the corner to the grocery store, with my list in hand. The list was a joke. I made one every few days, but the cart always ended up doubly full. New cravings kicked in as I walked down each aisle. The one that always got me was cake batter. I’m not saying cake batter ice cream or cake batter cookies; I’m talking about fully on its own, cake batter.

  My phone began to ring as I entered the frozen foods section. That was never good; it forced me to hold steady in front of the ice cream. I stared at all the flavors while I pretended to listen to my boss. She was the only one who ever called me. She was the only person I really knew anymore.

  I had gotten a job as a personal assistant, or rather, a virtual assistant. I didn’t need the money, but I needed a distraction. I needed to not spend every waking moment thinking about Ryan.

  Holly Hidea… yes, pronounced like ‘idea’ with an ‘h’ in the front… was this eccentric millionaire who had made a fortune selling baby headbands. I’ll repeat: Holly made millions a year selling headbands for babies. I had to laugh, but hey, she found her niche. She was looking to break into the toddler headband market, and needed someone with exceptional organization skills to manage the new products. I fudged my resume a bit, but ultimately, even without real experience, I was a good fit for the job. Mostly, I knew how to talk to her.

  She was going on and on about a former college roommate who was trying to steal her ideas. I added in my ‘oohs’, ‘ahhs’, and praises for her, while I piled the cart with two quarts of cookie and cream ice cream, chocolate syrup, and whipped cream. Damn ice cream sales; they get you every time.

  Before I knew it, I was through the check out and onto the street, still listening to Holly’s antics. Then, her dog was chasing her neighbor’s pet squirrel, so she had to run. What had my life turned into?

  I had been holding the phone between my ear and shoulder, my hands full of grocery bags. What did I even buy? As I was failing at finagling a way to get my phone into my bag without dropping any groceries, I was startled by a voice behind me.

  “Miss, do you need help?”

  The bags went down, as did my phone, as did my mood. “Fuck me.” I let out, not caring who heard it.

  “Wait. Grace?”

  I looked up to the voice. “Mark? Hi.”

  Wow, it was two words, but boy did it feel good to have a conversation with a familiar face.

  “Here, let me help you.”

  We both bent down, grabbing at the food that was tossed all over the sidewalk. He then took the bags, insisting that he would not allow me to carry anything, and followed me around the corner to my building. We caught up the way people who don’t really know each other do: how’s work, anything exciting, those types of questions.

  When we reached my door, I turned to him. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye when I left the hospital. There was a lot going on. But I appreciate your kindness.”

  He snorted, like actually snorted. “I don’t expect every patient to say goodbye to me.”

  “Right, of course. That was silly, I guess.”

  He handed me my groceries and took a step back. “It was nice running into you Grace.”

  “You too, Mark.”

  He gave me a little wave and walked back in the direction from where we had just come. I pushed my way into the building, up the steps, and into my apartment. Then I smiled.

  It was weird. I couldn’t remember the last time I had smiled. My husband was missing, most likely dead. Why was I smiling? And why did I feel guilty for feeling joy from running into Mark?

  After putting the groceries in their proper place, I collapsed onto the couch. I allowed my head to fall backwards, and I nodded off.

  I dreamed of Ryan. I woke up screaming.

  Ryan

  “The prospects just finished cleaning the warehouse.” I slammed the door behind me as I entered the office.

  “What are they doing now?”

  “I’m making them clean it again.”

  Sean and I both laughed. I had rounded up a group of thirty-two prospects over the past four months. From that group, we planned on keeping about half. The other half, well, I was going to let Sean decide what to do with them.

  “You know kid, you’re good at this.” He patted me on the back.

  “And you didn’t think I deserved to be vice president of the Cupids.”

  “I’ll admit when I’m wrong, and I was wrong.”

  Sean, the man who had berated me my entire life, the man who killed my Pops, the man who had tied me to a wall and tortured me, the man who kidnapped my wife and locked her naked in a cold cellar, had just given me a compliment. What was even stranger was that I was pleased.

  Something was working. We were getting things done. We had built a new club from scratch. I would never forgive him, but I began to understand him. I began to feel for him. I began to agree.

  The dungeon Sean had built under the Cupids clubhouse was turning out to be quite an asset. Danny was stationed there during the day, gathering Intel on their actions, their plans, but mostly their clients. For every client they cultivated, we found a way to give them a better offer. Sure, I felt a little shameful that I was betraying my old club, but the power, that feeling of success, greatly outweighed any hint of guilt.

  Our game was mostly drugs. Sean had a number of respected suppliers in the area that owed him favors. We’d get our stashes for practically nothing, then sell, or trade. I liked trading for the assault weapons. When I needed to let off some steam, they were the perfect outlets. When I found myself thinking of Grace, I just aimed at the river and held down the trigger.

  Sean had stayed true to his word, never once seeking out Grace. He swore to me that his vendetta was over; that he had what he had wanted all along. For the first
time in my life, I believed him.

  Sean and I seemed to plan and scheme all day long. We had ideas, so many ideas, and everything we thought up, soon was set in motion. Everything we set in motion became a reality. I had never seen or heard of that kind of progress in a club. We were quickly becoming rising stars and it was about time we made our presence known.

  “So the Cupids?”

  “What about them?” I casually questioned as I took a large bite of my cheesesteak.

  “What are we doing with them?”

  “Take over?”

  “You took the words right out of my mouth. Any we dispose of?”

  I thought through the guys. None seemed to be threatening. A take over wouldn’t be that big of a deal. And if anyone fought us, well, they asked for it.

  “Case by case basis. I want Rock though.”

  “Rocky? Why?”

  “Always good to have a doctor around.”

  “I always thought he made you soft.”

  Interesting.

  “Or maybe it was Grace.”

  Was it Rocky? Was it Grace? Or was it me? I had been unhappy for quite some time in the Cupids. I wanted out even before Grace. But now, I loved the power, the respect. I loved taking care of things, getting the job done. I loved not worrying about someone else.

  I loved not worrying about someone else.

  It was in that moment that I first saw the monster, the part of me that was changing.

  Then I saw him again.

  “Uh, Ryan?” One of the senior prospects peeked his head around the door. “A few of the guys are asking about breaks.”

  “Breaks?”

  “Yeah, like a few minutes to eat.”

  “Are you one of these guys?”

  His eyes darted down and to the left and then up again, but he never answered. I said nothing, only stood, took two steps toward him, and punched him across the jaw. When he fell to the ground, I spread open his legs and kicked him in the balls. I stopped his screaming by dumping my soda into his open mouth. Then I came down directly onto his stomach with the heel of my boot.

  I stood him up, holding all his weight in my one hand. “Go ahead and answer their question about a break.”

  I pushed him out of the door and slammed it shut. I laughed quietly under my breath, oddly satisfied that I had proven my point. Sean began to clap from behind me. The face I saw as I swung around was one I had never seen from him. It was happiness, pride, but mostly love.

  “I do believe you’re ready for the surprise I have for you, Ryan.”

  Grace

  Over the course of the next few weeks, as my belly grew bigger, I ran into Mark in the strangest places. I was tired of being cooped up in my apartment, so I picked a new place to work each day.

  He was there. He was at my favorite coffee shop. He was at the only deli I step foot in. He was at the pastry shop where they make forty flavors of macaroons.

  “Okay, I actually think you’re stalking me now.” I called to him over my computer.

  I was sitting on a bench in the quietest corner of this small patch of grass by my apartment when I spotted him walking his dog.

  “I’m actually getting the feeling I’m stalking you as well.”

  We both laughed, and his little cocker spaniel jogged over to me, excited to say ‘hi’. I had met her on numerous occasions now, and we were becoming fast friends.

  “Hello Gnocchi.” I rubbed her ears as she pawed at my lap.

  “Okay, girl, get down.” He gently pushed Gnocchi so that all four of her paws were touching the ground. “Mind if I sit?”

  “Of course not.” I scooted over slightly, giving him room to join me.

  “Anything good?” He motioned to my computer.

  “Just inventory of all the different shades of pink headbands.”

  “Pink? How many possible shades of--”

  “Twelve.” I interrupted him. “There are twelve different shades and we’re about to introduce two more.”

  “No.”

  “Yes!”

  We laughed, and then allowed the silence to take over. Then we laughed at the silence. I turned to him to break the awkwardness, but before I could say anything, his hand was on mine.

  “Grace, can I… can I take you out sometime?”

  It was the farthest thing from my expectation. “Mark, I’m married.”

  “No, no, I know that. Wow, I worded that wrong. I just mean as friends.”

  I mean, we had run into each other so many times that we were becoming friends. And I did enjoy his company. What harm could come from an innocent night out among friends.

  “Your husband can come too.” He quickly added.

  I tried to not let my face change to show the jab of pain I felt. I didn’t want him to know what I had been going through, that I had been alone for the past four months, that I was becoming more and more sure every day that my husband was dead.

  “No, that’s fine. He works a lot.” I lied. “But yes, I’d love to… hang out some time… you know, for real… not just randomly running into each other.”

  “Great. Then it’s a date.” He stood. “Well, a friend date.”

  “A friend date.” I smiled. “So when is this friend date?”

  “Now?”

  “Like right now?”

  “Why not? We both seem to be free, you already know how many shades of pink headbands exist, and I’m hungry.”

  He had a point. I was hungry too. Why not? I was tired of spending my days alone. A little company could be exactly what I needed.

  He took me to a small bistro just a few blocks away. We chose a table outside, but in the shade. The sun was becoming a little unbearable in my pregnant state.

  “So tell me something interesting about Grace.”

  Ha. What to say and what to hide? What was interesting, but didn’t divulge too much of my past? What… what… Why couldn’t I think of anything to say? Was there really nothing about me other than the things I wished to hide?

  I felt my face flush. I felt my hands clam up. I needed to say something. I needed to answer his question in a way that didn’t cause more unanswered questions. I needed something…

  “My father was the president of a motorcycle club.”

  No, Grace. That was not the answer you were looking for.

  Ryan

  “What are we doing here, Sean?” We were standing in front of Anne Marie Carter’s house. Sean had taken me to see my mother.

  “I told you I had a surprise for you.”

  “You have everything you want. There’s no need to drag her into this again.”

  He started laughing boisterously as he slung his arm around my shoulder. “Oh Ryan, that’s the surprise. I did no such dragging.”

  What was he talking about? Why were we walking up to the house of the woman who had abandoned me so long ago? What part did she play in all of this?

  “Ryan, I present to you, my house, the house I have lived in for the past twenty-seven fucking years.”

  “But…” This was the address Grace had sent me the day she was taken. I was sure of that. So it wasn’t my mother’s house? It was Sean’s?

  Sean pulled out his key from his back pocket, and pushed the door open. “Honey, I’m home.” He jokingly called.

  Then, from the kitchen, came the same chocolate haired woman who stood in my doorway claiming that her children had been taken. She was wiping her hands with a towel, but stopped suddenly when she saw me.

  Still looking at me, she shot her stern voice to Sean. “I thought we had decided we’d discuss it before bringing him here, Sean.”

  “He was ready. You should have seen him today.” He patted me on the back like a proud father.

  I stood there, motionless, trying to take it all in. Could it be? Could it really be? Sean and my mother? All this time?

  “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  “Oh come now. I’ve been fucking your mother forever. Hell, you could even be my son.�
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  “Sean, stop. You’re scaring him.”

  “It’s possible.”

  “No, it’s not possible. Now stop it.”

  “You never let me have any fun.”

  He chuckled as he bent down to kiss her. I felt my stomach churn. He pinched her ass, causing her to yelp and slap him with the towel. Were they happy? Did they actually make each other happy? Sean had a life outside of work?

  “Okay, now you get in there and defrost the steaks. This is cause for a celebration.” She looked at me and softly smiled. “My son has finally come home.”

  Sean winked at me before escaping to the kitchen. I stood in the same spot, my feet refusing to move. Anne Marie placed her small hand on my arm. “Ryan, I know this is a lot to take in. Walk with me?”

  “Sure.” My voice cracked.

  I followed her outside and a few yards down the street before finally getting up the nerve to speak. “So Sean isn’t…”